Had a very disappointing 4th of July. Even though I still don't know the full applications of what had happen. It was disappointing because I wasn't enjoying myself - but sometimes social situations, even if they are not enjoyable could lead to something more interesting in the future. There was this girl at the party I went to who I really wanted to talk to and maybe take a picture of, but whenever I've seen her, she was always not near me and going somewhere. She reminded me of the kind of girls I used to see around ten years ago so it was more of a nostalgic attraction then actual attraction. But then hours later, when it was already very dark outside, and when I was already very bored and ready to leave, I saw her - and she stood pretty close to me. So I went and talked to her for a bit. After some exchanged messages earlier today, she said she would come to this house in Malibu where my art is being photographed on Friday. It would give me the opportunity to take her pictures, since it was too dark by the time I talked to her last night. Well, there's nothing special about this story yet, but the point is that sometimes I beat myself too hard if I'm not having a great time when I'm supposed to be having a great time. But instead I should focus on where I am - not where I could be, and see what opportunities are there for me. Sometimes when I'm not having fun, it's because no one seems interesting enough. But what I really should think is that everyone is interesting and I just need to figure out why they are interesting. That will give me something to do and make any situation much more enjoyable. Of course, I also need to be interesting and that is a lot of work. I think this is the most difficult part about being an artist - is that people expect you to be interesting all the time. Most of the time I don't really have anything to say. Most of the time my mind is blank. Some people are naturally interesting and always have something to say - they usually have other problems, but even their problems seem interesting, because they are interesting. I, on the other hand, have to work very hard on this. I always think about how I can be more interesting, but thinking about things too much usually just blocks my ability to contribute anything interesting. What I do, and what I think other people do, is developing patterns of responses, engagements, certain words or movements that cascade into whole new ideas by the time I'm done talking. It's just like shifting gears, you start with what you're most familiar with and helps to sustain new more fascinating expansions. So even if I feel like I'm repeating myself and not being very regional at first, I tell myself that this is fine because it will lead up to something a bit more exciting. Not everyone I see I want to take pictures of, but since it's a safe and familiar engagement on my part, I will sometimes ask people who I don't want to take their picture, if could take their picture. Then once I've taken their picture, it has given me enough time to think about what I could say or do that could be more interesting than just taking their picture. Usually people open up quite considerably once they see the picture I took because they don't expect the results I get on my cell phone. Since everyone has an iPhone, their eyes are so used to it, so when they see something else, better, they become flabbergasted. So at this point their guard is down and the engagement doesn't feel awkward anymore.
Minutes
K: What are you doing for the 4th?
T: Oh I didn't even realize it's tomorrow. I barely know what day it is. I guess I'm going to exercise in the morning.
K: I have the day off but the weather here is going to be stormy. Was going to go to Hot Springs but maybe I'll go Saturday. Have you been?
T: No, but people had told me that I should go back when I was there (in Little Rock, Arkansas).
T: But then once people talk about something it makes it much less attractive. The best places people keep secret because they don't want anyone else go to go there.
K: Are there any secret places in Arkansas that you know about?
T: If you go to the airport, there should be a plane that will fly you back to LA - maybe to Huston first, but then there's one to LA.
T: Oh I didn't even realize it's tomorrow. I barely know what day it is. I guess I'm going to exercise in the morning.
K: I have the day off but the weather here is going to be stormy. Was going to go to Hot Springs but maybe I'll go Saturday. Have you been?
T: No, but people had told me that I should go back when I was there (in Little Rock, Arkansas).
T: But then once people talk about something it makes it much less attractive. The best places people keep secret because they don't want anyone else go to go there.
K: Are there any secret places in Arkansas that you know about?
T: If you go to the airport, there should be a plane that will fly you back to LA - maybe to Huston first, but then there's one to LA.
I drove to the office and saw Autumn Knudson, who is helping me to set up my website, right as I pulled into the alley to park my car. Today we are suppose to start to work on the website, to which these journal entries are suppose to be entered. Even though I thought that being 20 minutes early would be enough for me to get there first, she had already gotten there and was going to get coffee across the street. When she came back with her coffee I suggested that we go to the Fairfax Flee market because I was reminded of it when I saw it on the way to the office. On our short drive up Fairfax Avenue I saw the usual line of people standing outside some store, stretching up the block. I told Autumn that I don't get why these people always stand in lines on the sidewalk like that, and she said she thinks it's for sneakers. I see these lines every time I drive down to the office and I always want to stop my car and ask them about it. But there's never a convenient place to park and I'm always late - even when I'm early. "Those must be some special sneakers" I told her. "There must be a celebrity selling them and taking pictures - a sneaker signing event sort of thing - no wonder the Lakers are doing so bad, they're all being busy with selling sneakers on Fairfax". I always associate sneakers with basketball players, but it's most likely regional pro skaters and people like that, that are connected with that. It was really hot and sunny, and at the time I didn't realize that Autumn just finished up a cup of coffee, and as hot as I was under the beating sun, she must have been boiling inside. I also had my dog with me, a half husky, half princess mix named Sunset, who was also very hot and fairly calm in comparison to other times when I bring her to the market. It was too hot to really get into too much booth engagement, so we walked though fairly quickly in order to just get back to the office, where the AC awaits. I did however spot an iron-cast Victorian shoe just before we left that I had decided to buy. It was hallow and I wasn't sure what exactly it was for - Autumn suggested it was used as a vase, and that made sense to me, but still I was quite unsure. I paid $20 for it. It was too hot to haggle, and it was fairly heavy so I thought the price wasn't too bad. When we waited for the car in the valet tent, a bunch of people gathered around sunset and everyone was very interested in her - she has a way of making people excited / happy. I realized how jealous I am of my dog sometimes, and took and picture of her with the small crowd.